Not My Idea of Fun

Not My Idea of Fun
I personally do not understand the appeal
of putting my d*ck in men’s b*tts
My idea of fun is to get my thumb
Stick it up my b*m,
Then scream like a girl

Your Sleeping A*us

Your Sleeping A*us
When you were asleep I did something
I got my finger, put it in your b*m
Then wiggled it just a bit
Then I took it out and smelled it
Oh, what a stink!
Your b*m is foul!
Your b*m is foul!
It needs a good scrub

Twinkle Twinkle

Twinkle Twinkle
Twinkle twinkle little p*nis
Not above my big br*wn-eye
Like a snake with just one eye
Twinkle twinkle all night
Twinkle and then do a sh*te

P*ss on your B*m

P*ss on Your B*m
Let your w*e trickle
Over your d*ck
Over your b*llsack
Then over your peren*um
Then into your b*mcrack
Hee hee hee hee
hee hee hee hee
Now it goes into your
B*mhole
B*mhole
B*mhole

Fighting Lustful Thoughts

Fighting Lustful Thoughts
Lust is such a pain
In my Christian brain
Jesus help me
Jesus help me
The best way to fight lust is to masturbate
Wank and then you’ll feel great
Wank

Gangster

Gangster
Wella wella hey baby
wella wella yo mama
Do you know who i am?
I’m a well known gangster and
I have a reputation
On the streets they call me
The scary, creepy man
With a really scary attitude
Nobody messes with me so
Keep your mittens to yourself
Bitch

Piles

Piles
I gots big piles growing in my
Hairy little ass
Haemerrhoids are great
I think piles are my greatest mate, yeah

Note: These lyrics are from memory. I am at my parents and they don’t have broadband. But I think you can manage if they are a bit wrong. Love, Ben.

Chili Dick

Chili Dick
Dip your penis in hot chili
Rub the stuff on your willy
Put jalapenos on your dick
Rub the paste on it real thick
Trust me, it feels good
Trust me, you really should
Dip your penis in hot chili
Not the mild kind, but the hot kind

Boobs are Weird

New Song!

http://www.apex.net.au/~geeen/TB/14/Boobs%20Are%20Weird.mp3%20
Boobs are Weird
Boobs are weird
Boobs are strange
Well not strange, but I guess
They defy expectations in weird ways
Oh, yes

Borrowing my D*ck

Borrowing my D*ck
I have a friend, he has no d*ck
He uses mine
I let him use my d*ck for things
Wissing, f*cking, w*nking, sniffing
La la dee dee doo dum

World War III

WWIII
It is World War III
Let us praise our leaders
Wherever you’re from
Join the celebration
Everybody’s happy
Things are gonna be good
Sing your countries anthem baby
Sing it with pride.

This song is historically significant because I wrote it on Sept 11 when I thought there was gonna be a world war. It’s no Camouflage but it’s better than all other war songs.

Time For a Sweety Treaty

New Song!

http://www.apex.net.au/~geeen/TB/14/Time%20For%20A%20Sweety%20Treaty.mp3%20
Time For a Sweety Treaty
Uh oh! Time for a sweety treaty
Uh oh! Time for a sweety treat
Uh oh! Time for a sweety treaty
Uh oh! Time for a sweety treat
A late night jaunt to the 7-11
Watch those treats! We’ll pack on the pounds
Ooh ooh time for a sweety treaty
Ooh ooh time for a sweety treatyyyyyy
Uh oh! Time for a sweety treaty
Uh oh! Time for a sweety treat

Americans on TV Don’t Say Seeya

New Song!

http://www.apex.net.au/~geeen/TB/14/Americans.mp3%20
Americans on TV Don’t Say Seeya
Goodbye
That’s what you say
Before you finish talking on the phone
Don’t just hang up
They might have more to say to you
So, yeah…

Wet Hippies

Wet Hippies
Being wet is not that fun
Despite what stupid hippies say
When it starts raining I stand under
Shelter, when there’s rain and thunder
Have you ever seen a hippie
Making like she wants to be soaked?

Gods in my Garden

Gods in my Garden
It’s a lovely day in my garden
I will pray to God for a hard-on
Allah, Allah, give me a boner
Jesus, Jesus, make me longer
Maybe Odin can help me out some
Maybe Zeus can give me a big one
Aphrodite, give me a woody
Oh, she heard me goody goody

Burning

Burning
If you gots a hairy brown-eye
Get a match and strike it, baby
Hold the flame up to yer bronzo
‘Til the bumhairs catch on fire
Let them burn down
Owchy Owchy Owchy Owchy
Owchy Owchy Owchy Owchy
Owchy Owchy Owchy Owchy
Burning ring hairs
Owchy Owchy Owchy Owchy
Owchy Owchy Owchy Owchy
Owchy Owchy Owchy Owchy
Now I’m free of hair

Eight and Hot

Eight and Hot
I am eight years old and I’m feeling hot
What I really need is some middle aged
Wrinkly paedophile with a wife and kids
La la la la la la
I get so turned on by 50-year-olds
I am so happy they want to teach me
How to love, how to f*ck
They have coffee breath
They have flatulence
Now why can’t I be free to get f*cked
By some old, old, wrinkly paedophile

C*nt Live Without U

Sorry, there is a word in there which I forgot! Sounds like ‘family’ or something.

C*nt Live Without U
Ooh wah, zabbady doo
Don’t be afraid to rock all night, yeah
D*ckhole helmet shaft enlargement
D*ck p*ss t*t c*ck m*ff c*nt p*be s*x
P*o b*m sh*t f*ck
W*nk f*ck p*o p*o
Scr*tum f*reskin p*nis j*sm
[?] tampon
H*iry b*mhole

Understand the Lyrics and win a CD!

It’s …..the Tootleg Boy Guess the Lyrics Challenge! OK chums, here’s a new song of stupidness I wrote yesterday when I was meant to be working. But instead of writing down the lyrics, I thought I’d give you the chance to win a copy of the Tootleg Boy Anthology simply by being able to understand the lyrics! Please write down what you reckon the lyrics are, and email them to me at ben∂hutcho.net.  Don’t forget to include your postal address.

The first three to get ’em right will win a lovely CD with lyric booklet, soft gatefold sleeve, and 280 Tootleg Boy classic hits! Shit on Everything

Let me Check Your Prostate

New Song!

Let me Check Your Prostate
The time is ripe to check your prostate gland
Close your eyes and feel my icy hand
That’s a big one!
Wait a minute
That’s no cancer
That’s a turd
My mistake
Fifty bucks
Keep the shit

[chopped up bit with intellectually disabled people grunting]

The Classy Hooker

The Classy Hooker
Well I’d like to tell you of a lady
She was quite a classy hooker
But she did not like to have sex
So she only let them comb her pubic hair

I Don’t Care About How You Went Travelling

New Song!

I Don’t Care About How You Went Travelling

Travelling, travelling
Does not make you interesting
I don’t care, I don’t care
About the architecture where
You went last, you went last
Paris, Prague or up your arse
Never mind culture – here is something
You can absorb:
*fart*

Poo Your Panties

New Song!
http://www.apex.net.au/~geeen/TB/14/Poo%20Your%20Panties.mp3%20
Poo Your Panties
Poo your pants and walk around
Without a care, a care in the world
Only uptight folks give a damn about
Poo living in their panties
In their pants pants pants

I Pooed In Your Falafel

New song! 

http://www.apex.net.au/~geeen/TB/14/I%20Pooed%20In%20Your%20Falafel.mp3%20
I Pooed In Your Falafel
I pooed in your falafel
And in your coffee too

Not Afraid to Rock

New song! 

http://www.apex.net.au/~geeen/TB/14/Not%20Afraid%20to%20Rock.mp3%20
Not Afraid to Rock

Rock rock rock rock and roll roll roll roll
Rock rock rock rock and roll roll roll roll
Rock rock rock rock and roll roll roll roll
Rock rock rock rock and roll roll roll

‘Roquette’ Can Just Get Fucked

New song! 
http://www.apex.net.au/~geeen/TB/14/Roquette.mp3%20
‘Roquette’ Can Just Get Fucked
Rocket is fucked
It tastes just like cat piss
Tastes like it’s there
By accident
When will they learn
It’s not for consumption?
That’s just weeds you put in my sandwich
You silly bitch

Guest Song: I Collect Toys

This was written by David, who is the subject of many Tootleg Boy songs! It is a cruel and scathing piece about how I collect toys…ENJOY!

I Collect Toys
I collect toys, wooooooooow
The reason that I did it is because it’s from a TV show
Won’t the business man be jealous
When he sees me so carefree?

Piss on me, piss on me
Piss on me, piss on me, piss in me

I piss down the leg of my pants and it makes a puddle
and I drink it up very quick
I love piss!

Throw a Lasso ‘Round my Arse

Throw a Lasso ‘Round my Arse
Get out your lasso and throw it at my arse cheeks and pull it tight
They will break off in two massive hemispheres for you to keep
Now get some glue and get the butt cheeks too
Now stick them together and make a ball

Can’t Bend Far Enough

Can’t Bend Far Enough
I can’t bend over enough
To chew on
The tasty cheese
Under my foreskin

I Prefer Gum Trees

I Prefer Gum trees
Gum trees are much better though
Koalas eat them
They always look like they are
Dead but they last a
Long long long long long long time
Through wind and drought
Gum trees Gum trees Gum trees
They are the best trees out

Siftin’ for Poo

Siftin’ for Poo

Do ya do ya do ya do ya
Want to kiss me
Do ya do ya do ya do ya
Want to hold me
Do you want to sift for big poos
In my septic tank we can swim
Looking for some juicy poo poos
We can nibble it, we can sniffle it
We can tell your boss it is chocolate mousse.